Anyone who’s someone knows the first rule of being beautifamous is getting your necessary zzz’s. Seriously, if you don’t catch your recommended 7-9 hours of sleep nightly, your face is gonna be all ‘ah hell nah’ when you wake up. You may be saying, “But Meghan O., I have severe insomnia because I’m an Internet troll and have no friends. How can someone like myself get my beauty sleep?” Never fear, for now there’s an extra creepy way to fall asleep that is far more obscure and entertaining than counting dumb quadrupeds.
I have four words for you: Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response or ASMR, because everyone knows speaking in acronyms is way chicer than full words. Here’s an adorable Russian immigrant to explain what this shiz is really all about (Note: She will be using AMSR techniques to explain ASMR so DON”T FALL ASLEEP):
Can I just say that apart from feeling like an Internet deviant and midly pervy, this actually worked! I first came across ASMR through an Xojane.com article and found a similar one over at Vice and had to try it out seeing as I’m a major creeper who doesn’t sleep till 4 a.m. For the majority of the videos, I felt like I’d just taken some illicit substance as a soft tingling over came me until I suddenly drifted away to dreams of never ending Yves Saint Laurent makeup supplies and Chloé handbags. My favorite one has to be this from that seriously cute Russian lady in the previous video while I’m wearing giant-ass headphones:
Comments like: “Where’s the, “Hell yeah” button. I see Like is there, but I want to press, “hell yeah” and “have my kids?? :DDDDDDD ill pay the child support..just hav them! >.>,” are a testament to Maria’s awesomely weird gift.
If you’re looking to go extra chic with your ASMR videos, try one in French. You can listen to this madame talk about and play with salt for 20 minutes. FUCKING SALT.
So there you have it. Your answer to a fantastic nights rest includes surfing Youtube for videos of women whispering gently to the camera about how amazeballs you are while doing something totally banal over and over again. You now have no excuse to be insomnia ugly.