I know you beach bums love to get your tan on, but if you don’t wise up and start slathering on the sunscreen you’re going to look like Magda from “There’s Something About Mary” complete with wrinkly leather tits.
“Gonna crisp my shit good.”
You can still get your bits golden and god-like even with the application of sunscreen, though it may take a little longer. And don’t whine about that, there are worse things you’ll be bitching about if you don’t. You know, like cancer. Yeah, CANCER. The evil “c” word that will bite you on your sun-browned ass if you aren’t careful. Also, wrinkles. Getting older sucks a fat one, but looking like you’re 50 when you’re really only 25 (hello 20-somethings with crows feet!) most definitely sucks more.
Enter exhibit A:
Meet William McElligott. William was a truck driver in Chicago for nearly 30 years, delivering milk around Chi-town as the sun sucked his youth away like Bette Midler from “Hocus Pocus” did to those kids.
“Your smooth complexion is mine, bitches!”
Obviously, its time to wise up about caring for the one bone bag you get during life. Great news for us, there are more choices than ever to help protect us from the sun’s evil rays.
My personal weaponry.
Personally, I love all things Bioderma. Its a great French pharmacy brand that makes everything from sunscreen products to makeup remover (which I love). The facial sunscreen works as a great primer for makeup too, so its awesome as a 2 for 1 product. Another brand of facial sunscreen that I’m a huge fan of (as well as the entire line) is Josie Maran’s Argan Oil Moisturizer with SPF 40+. It smells like ripe berries and doesn’t leave the skin greasy or slimy.
For casual day makeup, I typically just use a tinted moisturizer that contains an SPF for a clean, glowing look with sun damage protection (that would be the black tube you see in the photo). Jouer is a fantastic brand with very sleek packaging, but you can find moisturizers (tinted and not) with SPF already added for you at a range of prices to fit any budget like Garnier’s BB Cream which my friend tried and raved about.
As well as protecting our skin, ladies who color their hair might look into investing in some products that provide UV protection for the hair, as well. Frequent sun exposure will fade color in the hair and call for more expensive trips to the salon. Brands like Bumble and bumble offer style as well as “sunscreen” for your tresses with products like their Color Minded UV Protective Styling Balm.
Basically, don’t be an asshole who thinks they’re “too cool” for sunscreen, because you really will look like an asshole if you don’t put some on every time you go out.
