For those of you, dear readers, who thought that 2famous.TV was all about beauty and no brains, like Paris Hilton, you were wrong-ish my friends.
That’s why I’ve taken the burden upon my shoulders to educate you a tad on the Lebanese agricultural history – and the way this is related to the U.S. of A.
A whole fuck tons of time ago, when the Phoenicians were ruling the Mediterranean from Lebanon, the Bekaa Valley was called “The Whole World’s Food Chamber”, a nickname that changed to “The Sun Valley” when the Romans took over a few centuries before that imaginary point in history that marks the beginning of our calendar – year zero.
The Phoenicians are famous for having been the first people to produce wine for export, and a substantial part of the wheat production for the eastern region of the Roman Empire came from this glorious valley. So did the drugs: the Bacchus temple that was built to worship the God of Wine is still standing well preserved in the heart of this valley. On its massive gates we can see wine leaves and opium plants carved into the stone.
And every spring the snow that covers the mountains surrounding this valley melts and floods the rich soil with fresh water. This, in combination with the perfect temperature, altitude, and sunlight, makes it literally possible to make any seed shoot out its potential fruits in no time.
But then war came and the local currency collapsed in the mid 80’s which led to crazy inflation. Seeds, fertilizers, and chemicals, increased in price while farmers’ incomes remained “stable”. So, if you can’t afford to buy poop to put in the soil for your tomatoes to grow, you can always return to the good ol’ hashish. Because unlike most other crops, the hashish needs little water and no fertilizers to grow. As soon as you finger a seed into the soil a dusty green bud is born, rising to your eye level in no time to say “Hello Daddy!” Then you smash those green little children of yours against the wall. The dust it leaves, ladies and gentlemen, is what financed the Lebanese civil war.
And that’s because we love to smoke up in the West. Even our presidents do it. But we are so ashamed of it that we would never dare to produce it ourselves. At its peak in the mid 80’s Lebanon produced and exported about 100,000 tons of hashish every year.
So when Lebanon was wrapping up its shit after the war, the U.S. of A. was slightly concerned by the fact that the Bekaa Valley was flooding its “dangerous” fruits into the American market. Lebanon was classified as a “major drug producing country”, which meant that they
were had a serious problem. Action needed to be taken.
The United Nations Develop Programme (UNDP) estimated that it would cost three hundred million dollars to modernize Lebanon’s agricultural system, and a massive financial aid package was promised. At the thought of having more money to pocket, the already overly corrupt Lebanese politicians ejaculated in unison. They passed a law that would allow zero tolerance for the possession of soft drugs, a law which came with great pleasure to violence-loving cops who enforce order on the streets when the army is busy doing army stuff.
But, alas, the American dream went up in smoke like confiscated pot when the U.S. of A. decided that Lebanon was not so dangerous after all, and degraded them from being a “major drug producing country” to a “moderate drug producing country”. The promise of greener grass was finally suspended in 2001 and earmarked aid was spent on bullets instead of bullshit for the Israelis to shoot babies with. I mean, the cash was already in the hood…
America’s “war on drugs”
Most wars start when someone says “let’s make a war”. That “someone” tends to be the U.S. of A. — or its close allies. By now we
should have learnt that by starting a war we’re always heading for – yet another – epic failure. The “War on Drugs”, or “Operation Dessert Haze… or something” that Nixton initiated in 1971 is no exception, and by using heavy weapons to fight drug lords we have turned them into warlords. Fight crime with violence and you’ll get more violence in return, seems to be the golden rule here.
Lebanon was dragged into this failed philosophy by pressure from America, and the hashish farmers ended up protecting their crops from the cops with bullets.
So what happens now that the U.S. of A. is slowly changing its policy by not only legalizing marihuana for medial or personal use, but by also becoming a “drug producing country” themselves? Nothing! of course. The Lebanese farmers were always the losers in this game, and it’s going to stay like that. And I would not be surprised if the people that were funding the war on drugs in the first place will also be the ones exporting their own “medical” THC products to Lebanon in the future. Then a new game would be on, which would, of course, be impossible for the Lebanese farmers to win.
So, if you feel like an advocate for Lebanese culture by helping the agricultural tradition rolling, you run the risk of being stuffed into an inhumane cell guarded by a bunch of stoners whose jobs it is to “protect this country” from… well… whatever America once said. Get wasted and beat up your wife instead. It’s legal, and much safer.
Here is a nostalgic video of Lebanese hash farming at its peak. We actually brought this video on a laptop to show it to these farmers up in the mountains. They loved it, and welcomed us into the warmth:
And here is a one hour long documentary about how the global war on drugs have been an epic failure. It’s an excellent piece of documentary where we get to hear the presidents and the ex presidents of several American countries talking about the real problem, and how the U.S. of A. is addressing it wrongly.
Is Iceland the REAL threat to Europe?
We’re obsessed with putting our eyes on islamofacists, islafists, salafists, and, well, you know, just muslims, but is this where the real threat is coming from?
Everybody: PANIC!Just a few weeks ago our national security was at risk, as someone thought that someone potentially dangerous might be coming from Syria to Turkey to Norway! It could have been a dangerous scenario if the politicians hadn’t acted so fast and created a state of emergency, making sure that as much panic as possible spread across this Glorious Kingdom. Bold headlines like “How is your municipality protecting YOU!?!” covered the front pages of local newspapers in the most remote villages, while untrained terror police with weapons designed for war marched the streets of our largest cities. It was a great circus, where tons of “suspicious” muslims got ratte... more
Being down with the kids
When the 2famous.TV crew rolled up in our red Mercedes at this beautiful island in the south of Norway, we pretty much felt like stars. I mean, festivals are usually the place where we can show (and prove to ourselves) that we still got it; that we’re still down with the kids, despite the fact that most of our crew is twice the age of the average population at this festival.
Sure, with age comes wisdom, so we decided not to pin our tent in the middle of the youth camp, where wasted kids give out free hugs, kisses, and whatever to whomever crosses their path, before they collapse in or on the nearest tent that looks vaguely familiar. When they wake up in the afternoon they repeat the previous days’ pattern with impressive precision.
At Hove everybody gets wasted from the moment they wake up, and since no one remembers who they bonded with the previous day, the winning strategy seems to be down with everyone ... more
– No work visa required
If you live in a shithole, you should come to Norway and join the shitfest!
There is a loophole in the strict Norwegian job market, and that loophole can be found right between a grizzlys genitals and it’s tale (also known as its butthole).
Thanks to the low population and the large oil reserves Norway may be the richest country in the world, but if you’re not from Europe and want to earn some of those oil-backed crowns, you either need to have some crazy skills that makes you exceptional on the job market, or you need to go to the forest and put your hands in lukewarm excrements.
Despite the shitty weather a ton of southern europeans come to Norway every year to pick strawberries in the fields or to beg on the streets, but it seems like they might not be informed about the goldmine coming out of the king of the forrest’s asshole: the Norwegian government will pay ... more
– a roundup of week 38
Not only did the Britons establish contact with aliens from outer space, or at least sample some of their DNA, and scientists from Lebanon finally found a cure for cancer, or at least for a certain kind of Leukemia, maybe, but it also turned out that global warming was just another scam from the Left! It turned out that the climate changes we are experiencing are just part of a natural cycle, though the communist minded anti-capitalist liberals are more
Here I sit overlooking the rooftops of Oslo while it’s pouring down from the gray sky. It’s that time of the year where all you want to do is to sit inside and drink red wine while being melancholic. I daydream about Lebanon, though Beirut somehow feels like an oriental dream in the distance. It’s so different from where I am right now. It’s almost surreal. But I guess that’s why I fell in love with Lebanon in the first place, and that’s what kept me there for four years. You’re never alone in Beirut. You’re never bored in Beirut, and there’s always a new surprise waiting for you around every corner. While Norway is slow, stable and boring, Lebanon is fast, unpredictable and interesting. And there is always a new party.One of the things Lebanon is so famous for is their parties, and even if “nothing’s going on” in Lebanon,... more
It’s election on Monday, and no one is talking about how much the “Peace Nation” Norway sucks for everyone that’s not in Norway.
I wish I could have talked about something that had something to do with the real world, but I have been living in an isolated bubble for the past week. It’s not my lack of access to the internet that has cut me off, nor is it that I’ve been occupied with setting up the 2famous.TV HQ in Oslo with Knut and Liza. True, I’ve been stressing around decorating my new room so that it will look decent till my woman arrives in 16 days (and 13 hours), but that’s not what’s kept my eyes off the world either.
To tell you the truth, I have been engulfed with senseless political propaganda and nifty slogans such as “For a better future”, “For the People” and “Vote for New Ideas”, in some kind of delusional Orwell-ish reality. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, this was the last week before the grand election in Norway, which overshadows everything in this country. No one here even knows that Obama went to Sweden on his wa... more