You can’t sit here and try to tell me that some fat old guy wearing a heinous red velvet suit and hat is hip to the fact that I want a See by Chloé bag or that new Naked palette from Urban Decay.
So, on that note, I’ve decided to create a new, after-Christmas holiday in which you indulge in your Christmas miracle gifts you got shafted on this past December.
1) Grace, A Memoir by Grace Coddington.
Yes I know reading is way fucking nerdy, but anyone who’s anyone is reading this book or already has read it (read it twice!!). Also, don’t even dare ask me who Grace Coddington is, save yourself the public embarrassment and watch The September Issue or Google it. Seriously.
Ok, so I think we’re all aware of the torrentiel weather going on right now (hello Beirut and Amman and the east coast of the U.S.!) so you need to protect your feet, in style of course. Hunter Wellingtons are THE shoe for the job. They’re pretty Man vs. Wild, but come on, Princess Diana wore them so get a fucking grip and get some.
3) More red lipstick.
I don’t really need to stress the fact that THERE CAN NEVER BE ENOUGH RED LIPSTICK!!!! So even if you have like 500 million bajillion tubes, you should go out right now and buy this magical NARS Velvet Matte Lip pencil in Cruella. (Don’t be a douche and forget to buy the sharpener for it, like me or you’ll be shit out ‘o’ luck as the pencil wears down.)
4) A new bag.
There are MAJAY sales going on right now at pretty much every store on the planet (and online) hawking their end of season stock. 30% off at Givenchy? You had me at discount.
Stop what you’re doing, do not apply any more makeup to your mug. Throw out that dumb primer and get ready to have your mind blown. This, this is the shit. Its basically the holiest of holies when it comes to skin products for the French, and baby, does it work! I use it as a magical makeup primer to be applied just before anything else, when I see flakey winter skin, when I have a rash (non-vaginal, thank you)- even my husband steals it from time to time to smooth out his complexion. Men, women, world: please, if you get nothing else on this list, get hip to Embryolisse and be one with the zen of the universe.