I wish I could have talked about something that had something to do with the real world, but I have been living in an isolated bubble for the past week. It’s not my lack of access to the internet that has cut me off, nor is it that I’ve been occupied with setting up the 2famous.TV HQ in Oslo with Knut and Liza. True, I’ve been stressing around decorating my new room so that it will look decent till my woman arrives in 16 days (and 13 hours), but that’s not what’s kept my eyes off the world either.
To tell you the truth, I have been engulfed with senseless political propaganda and nifty slogans such as “For a better future”, “For the People” and “Vote for New Ideas”, in some kind of delusional Orwell-ish reality. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, this was the last week before the grand election in Norway, which overshadows everything in this country. No one here even knows that Obama went to Sweden on his war propaganda tour, and Syria is forgotten all together like it’s just some other attention seeking Iraq down there in the Middle East. What matters now is important issues, such as “Are we going to have warm school lunches for our children?” or “Shall we start drilling for (even more) oil outside of the majestic Lofoten islands?”
Sorry, can’t afford it
No one here talks about the influence Norway has on other people. Our international humanitarian responsibilities of being oil producing gazillionaires are completely neglected in these pre-election times. In Norway you see, we strongly believe that we deserve to be rich, like we worked our asses off for the oil or something, and we don’t understand why it has anything to do with us if people are suffering elsewhere as a direct result of our wealth. Who cares how many children works for Norwegian owned factories in Bangladesh, when we can live comfortable lives keeping our minds occupied with heated debates about closing hours and tax levels?It for sure is comforting to hear someone really smart saying on the TV that we simply cannot afford to accept more immigration to our fragile Kingdom – the same Kingdom we like to proudly promote as “the wealthiest country in the world”. Who cares if our brothers in the East, Sweden, with half of Norway’s GNP, simply cannot afford to lose more fellow human beings in Syria and opens their borders to all Syrian refugees seeking asylum in their country? Fuck Sweden! No wonder they are so poor! We are Peace Nation, hiding our enormous ammunition production behind the “Peace Price” that we tend to give to the most blood thirsty mass murderers out there, such as Yitzak Rabin, Shimon Peres, Henry Kissinger and Obama Himself. As long as it looks good on us for our western friends we don’t really give a fuck.
In 2010 the peace price went to Liu Xiaobo, which really pissed China off. But we didn’t care, as long as it was the right thing to do for peace, and as long as we could see the silhouettes of our Big Brothers behind our shoulders as we were handing out the price, we knew that we did the right thing.
This year I would have loved to see Snowden being nominated for the price, but since he’s the public enemy no. 1 of our Daddy, we didn’t even dare to allow him into our airspace. We didn’t want him to fly over our country, that’s how dangerous he is. What if he was Chinese? If he was Chinese we would have made statues of him, and we would have named our children after him! Snow-den! It already sounds Norwegian.But these are topics far away from the discussion panels the final week before the election. No one mentioned that Norway is the largest ammunition producing country in the world (pr. capita), and no one questions who’s firing our bullets and missiles. We are discussing roadwork. We are discussing if we’re going to maintain our compulsory army service or not, which is not compulsory anyways, and we’re discussing if we want to apply for having the Olympics in Oslo in 2022, or if we’re going to have it in Tromsø (north of Norway).
Get the fuck away from my iceberg
“Let’s kick out whomever that doesn’t look like us. And stop talking about my destructive life!”Yes, it’s true! In this well educated oil Nation a large group of the population believes that global warming is propaganda by evil people (the left) that wants to harm the oil industry – and our God given wealth. These are the anti-Muslim Israel friendly people that seriously, from the roots of their hearts, believe that it will destroy the world to help people in need (especially if they are Muslim), but they refuse to even consider the thought that human behavior just might have a destructive effect on the planet.
The final election is on Monday, and it seems like the right wing will wrestle the power out of the labor party’s hands, meaning that we’ll end up with a conservative government. It’s going to be great for me, having the right skin tone and all. I’ll be fine, though I might have set up a saving account so that I can afford my children’s education and my parents nursing home bills in the future. I’m also pretty sure that I’m going to outlive this planet, though I might leave it behind like a gray dust ball. And as long as I don’t have to worry about sharing any of my comforts with anyone I will live happy in my castle of ice, gold and diamonds, oblivious to concepts such as “cultural wealth”. Don’t you worry about me! I’ll be fine until my iceberg is completely melted. Only then will I come and claim my right: your land, that I will buy from your corrupted leaders.
Till then I will lean back, smoke my cigar, and pretend that I’m saving the world.
Is Iceland the REAL threat to Europe?
We’re obsessed with putting our eyes on islamofacists, islafists, salafists, and, well, you know, just muslims, but is this where the real threat is coming from?
Everybody: PANIC!Just a few weeks ago our national security was at risk, as someone thought that someone potential... [more]
Being down with the kids
When the 2famous.TV crew rolled up in our red Mercedes at this beautiful island in the south of Norway, we pretty much felt like stars. I mean, festivals are usually the place where we can show (and prove to ourselves) that we still got it; that we’re still down with the kids, despite the fact that most of our crew is twice the age of the average populat... [more]
– No work visa required
If you live in a shithole, you should come to Norway and join the shitfest!
There is a loophole in the strict Norwegian job market, and that loophole can be found right between a grizzlys genitals and it’s tale (also known as its butthole).
Thanks to the low population and the large oil reserves Norway may be the richest country in the world, but if you’re not from... [more]
Here I sit overlooking the rooftops of Oslo while it’s pouring down from the gray sky. It’s that time of the year where all you want to do is to sit inside and drink red wine while being melancholic. I daydream about Lebanon, though Beirut somehow feels like an oriental dream in the distance. It’s so different from where I am right now. It’s almost surreal. But I guess ... [more]