I’ve decided that I am the Ambassador of Lebanon to Norway. It’s not a title formally recognized by either government, but I take my job seriously nonetheless. Rather than start with more daunting tasks like promoting climate change to make this place a little warmer (a conservative government won elections recently and I may have already been influenced by them), I’ve decided to flex a bit of my soft power muscle and introduce Scandinavia to a few home hacks I’ve imported with me from the Middle East. Stuff is expensive here! Here are 8 home hacks sure to lighten the load on your wallet.
1.) Olive Oil as a wood polisher
Everything is made of wood in Norway. No wonder The Beatles made a song about it and Murakami wrote a book about it. Forget the propaganda Pledge has poisoned your mind with. All you need is some cheap olive oil mixed with white vinegar (3 parts olive oil, 1 part white vinegar) and a soft cloth. Swipe and smile.
2.) Olive Oil to prevent bruising
I’m sure this remedy was thought up by a mom in a kitchen accompanied by a child who just hit his head on a corner of a dining table, but it works! Softly massage it in as close to the time of the accident as possible.
3.) Olive oil for dry hair
Olive oil for everything! After a summer of fun in the sun, your hair probably looks like the before picture of anyone appearing on a make-over show on the Style channel. Lest your friends stage a fashion intervention for whole world, or perhaps just bored housewives and the unemployed, to see, just slather up your hair with some EVOO, massage it into your scalp, leave it on for at least 30 minutes, wash it out with a mild shampoo and BOOM!
Note: That BOOM might be the sound of your child/roommate/elderly grandparent slipping on some spilled olive oil in the bathroom. In that case, please refer back to #2.
5.) Used lemon shells for elbows and knees
Not that norwegians are showing so much elbow and knee is their tundra-like weather, but still. The elders always taught me that to keep your bendy parts soft and clean, just rub the inside of a squeezed our lemon on your elbows to act as a sort of natural acid peel. Wash and lotion up those bad boys for a smooth finish.
6.) Toothpaste for burns
This was probably thought up by a mom in a bathroom who’s kid just burnt himself on a curling iron. I don’t know if it works since my clumsiness is more directly to open gashes than wussy burns, but give it a try next time you’re out of burn cream. If you have a burn on top of a pimple on your forehead, then you might be killing two birds with one stone.
7.) Add clorox to dish washing soap to clear off the stank of meats, fish or egg
Before you guffaw, it’s only a few drops and it does wonders for the smell of your cups and dishes after a delicious but stanky meal. Basically, you have to wash the dishes once with the Clorox solution then again with just soap and water, making sure to finish up with a thorough rinsing.
8.) Vinegar/water with newspaper to clean windows
NOTE: The BOOM might be an innocent bird or clumsy human running into your crystal clear sliding glass doors, but you’ll clean off any blood or tears left behind with your brand new, super-cheap, window cleaner!
Now I’m off to resume my more serious duties as the unofficial Ambassador of Lebanon to Norway. I’m going to go talk to the local Lebanese merchants about how to learn Norwegian; what a crazy flick of the tongue these Scandinavians have! I’ll probably just end up in a gossip fest with the Arabs, but duty calls!
Leave a comment below if you know of any I missed!
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