Are the Norwegians behind 2famous.TV holding out on us? What’s all this I hear about a Viking apocalypse? (Also, it’s pronounced Wiking, because even though Norwegians don’t use the letter W, they think our V is a W even though their V is a V. And really, I think it’s a bit cruel to use a W when spelling of the country’s name in English, no? It’s Norge!)
According to experts of Norse mythology, the Vikings believed that the end of the world is February, 22, 2014! That’s less than 2 months away! Is this true? Why did I have to read about this on the interwebs, boys?
A new year, a new apocalypse conspiracy: What I Know
On November 14, 2013 an ancient Viking horn was sounded to mark 100 days until the pending Viking apocalypse, also known as Ragnarök, or the Doom of the Gods (I researched this, and there are about as many interpretations of Ragnarök as there are ways of me pronouncing Ragnarök). Some translations include ‘final destiny of the Gods’, ‘when the Gods die’, ‘renewal of the divine powers’ and so on, but I chose the most dramatic…we’re trying to sells internet papers here!)
One minor detail tells me this might be bogus; the Norse God Heimdallr was supposed to blow the horn, but no one could find him so they just got a random guy dressed as Heimdallr to do it. The sound of the horn is meant to call Odin to the battlefield (what kind of God takes 100 days to arrive to the battlefield), where he will be killed by the wolf Fenrir. This is where the story begins.
What To Expect
The sea and sky will be poisoned. Oh, no.
Ragnarok is said the be preceded by 3 continuous winters. It’s been mild winter in Oslo this year. Oh, yay!
When Odin finally dies, the Earth will sink into the sea and we’ll all die too. Oh, no.
But, a new Utopia will emerge. Oh, yay!
But, the Earth will be re-populated by two people. Oh, no and eww.
The man might be bearded. Seriously, one article I read about the Viking apocalypse referred to a 2010 study on how bearded men were more trustworthy. That’s it, that’s the reference to what kind of man might survive. So, oh, yay?
Why This Might Be Legit
• According to mythology, the first to notice shall be man, brother will fight brother and all the boundaries that exist shall crumble.
Evidence: Middle East, yo! All of it. Or, the internet. I’ve seen some ‘comment section’ arguments that had me wondering about an imminent doomsday.
• A serpent is supposed to free itself from it’s tail and rise up from the Ocean.
Evidence: That freakish fish that swam up on the shores in California.
Why This Is Probably Bullshit
• Experts say that a vast winter will precede the apocalypse. This year was my first shot at a white Christmas, and Norway blew it. Home to reindeer and the North pole and not a snowflake in sight. In one article, Danielle Daglan from the Norvik Viking Center tried to argue that we are entering a small ice-age because of solar flare activity.
Counter-evidence: That is not going to happen by February, so no, Danielle…you’re reaching a bit.
• To quote one article: While not a scientific conclusion, experts claim that Vikings loved to feast and wouldn’t want to miss this event. For this reason, they argue that Vikings would believe the world would end in 100 days.
Counter-evidence: Um, what?
So, really I don’t know what to make of this. The Mayan apocalypse went viral and that was a bust. But, why is everyone, especially the Norwegians, keeping this information from us? It’s the stuff conspiracy theories are made of.
Now, as I get ready to pack to make my pilgrimage back to California, I look around this less than frosty kingdom and wonder, is this it?
In the meantime…Happy New Year! This might be your last NYE ever!
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