If you live in a shithole, you should come to Norway and join the shitfest!
There is a loophole in the strict Norwegian job market, and that loophole can be found right between a grizzlys genitals and it’s tale (also known as its butthole).
Thanks to the low population and the large oil reserves Norway may be the richest country in the world, but if you’re not from Europe and want to earn some of those oil-backed crowns, you either need to have some crazy skills that makes you exceptional on the job market, or you need to go to the forest and put your hands in lukewarm excrements.
Despite the shitty weather a ton of southern europeans come to Norway every year to pick strawberries in the fields or to beg on the streets, but it seems like they might not be informed about the goldmine coming out of the king of the forrest’s asshole: the Norwegian government will pay $150 per bear poop they receive.
This has naturally started a major shit party that even blood thirsty elk hunters have been putting down their guns to join, and the location of places with a high shit density is often kept tight to the finders chest. But there are still expected to be many untouched fields of shit laying out there for you to put your fingers into.
However, as a lot of people have been turning in wrong poop from animals that are not even close to being bears, leaving hopeful gold diggers with nothing but empty pockets and dirty fingers, the government has been kind enough to make a guide book for the shit enthusiasts. That way you are more likely to save yourself from the humiliation of bringing a bag full of WRONG shit on the bus.
You should also know that size doesn’t matter, as hunter Frode Aronsen got to experience when he turned in Scandinavia’s largest poop of an impressive 3 kg. If you find a real big shit you’d be better off if you think like a dealer and cut that shit into smaller pieces, and sell them in bags – to the government.
So if you want to come to Norway and try your luck in the fields this summer, I would recommend a few songs that might motivate you along the way:
Fela Kuti – Expensive Shit
Future – Shit
Marilyn Manson – This Is The New Shit
Screamin’ Jay Hawkins – Constipation Blues
The government takes DNA samples of the bear boop to map out their trekking patterns.
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