Is Iceland the REAL threat to Europe?
We’re obsessed with putting our eyes on islamofacists, islafists, salafists, and, well, you know, just muslims, but is this where the real threat is coming from?
Everybody: PANIC!Just a few weeks ago our national security was at risk, as someone thought that someone potentially dangerous might be coming from Syria to Turkey to Norway! It could have been a dangerous scenario if the politicians hadn’t acted so fast and created a state of emergency, making sure that as much panic as possible spread across this Glorious Kingdom. Bold headlines like “How is your municipality protecting YOU!?!” covered the front pages of local newspapers in the most remote villages, while untrained terror police with weapons designed for war marched the streets of our largest cities. It was a great circus, where tons of “suspicious” muslims got ratte... [more]
Being down with the kids
When the 2famous.TV crew rolled up in our red Mercedes at this beautiful island in the south of Norway, we pretty much felt like stars. I mean, festivals are usually the place where we can show (and prove to ourselves) that we still got it; that we’re still down with the kids, despite the fact that most of our crew is twice the age of the average population at this festival.
Sure, with age comes wisdom, so we decided not to pin our tent in the middle of the youth camp, where wasted kids give out free hugs, kisses, and whatever to whomever crosses their path, before they collapse in or on the nearest tent that looks vaguely familiar. When they wake up in the afternoon they repeat the previous days’ pattern with impressive precision.
At Hove everybody gets wasted from the moment they wake up, and since no one remembers who they bonded with the previous day, the winning strategy seems to be down with everyone ... [more]
– No work visa required
If you live in a shithole, you should come to Norway and join the shitfest!
There is a loophole in the strict Norwegian job market, and that loophole can be found right between a grizzlys genitals and it’s tale (also known as its butthole).
Thanks to the low population and the large oil reserves Norway may be the richest country in the world, but if you’re not from Europe and want to earn some of those oil-backed crowns, you either need to have some crazy skills that makes you exceptional on the job market, or you need to go to the forest and put your hands in lukewarm excrements.
Despite the shitty weather a ton of southern europeans come to Norway every year to pick strawberries in the fields or to beg on the streets, but it seems like they might not be informed about the goldmine coming out of the king of the forrest’s asshole: the Norwegian government will pay ... [more]
– a roundup of week 38
Not only did the Britons establish contact with aliens from outer space, or at least sample some of their DNA, and scientists from Lebanon finally found a cure for cancer, or at least for a certain kind of Leukemia, maybe, but it also turned out that global warming was just another scam from the Left! It turned out that the climate changes we are experiencing are just part of a natural cycle, though the communist minded anti-capitalist liberals are [more]
Here I sit overlooking the rooftops of Oslo while it’s pouring down from the gray sky. It’s that time of the year where all you want to do is to sit inside and drink red wine while being melancholic. I daydream about Lebanon, though Beirut somehow feels like an oriental dream in the distance. It’s so different from where I am right now. It’s almost surreal. But I guess that’s why I fell in love with Lebanon in the first place, and that’s what kept me there for four years. You’re never alone in Beirut. You’re never bored in Beirut, and there’s always a new surprise waiting for you around every corner. While Norway is slow, stable and boring, Lebanon is fast, unpredictable and interesting. And there is always a new party.One of the things Lebanon is so famous for is their parties, and even if “nothing’s going on” in Lebanon,... [more]
It’s election on Monday, and no one is talking about how much the “Peace Nation” Norway sucks for everyone that’s not in Norway.
I wish I could have talked about something that had something to do with the real world, but I have been living in an isolated bubble for the past week. It’s not my lack of access to the internet that has cut me off, nor is it that I’ve been occupied with setting up the 2famous.TV HQ in Oslo with Knut and Liza. True, I’ve been stressing around decorating my new room so that it will look decent till my woman arrives in 16 days (and 13 hours), but that’s not what’s kept my eyes off the world either.
To tell you the truth, I have been engulfed with senseless political propaganda and nifty slogans such as “For a better future”, “For the People” and “Vote for New Ideas”, in some kind of delusional Orwell-ish reality. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, this was the last week before the grand election in Norway, which overshadows everything in this country. No one here even knows that Obama went to Sweden on his wa... [more]
– everybody wants a piece of it.
I wish I was ignorant and lived in an isolated Norway. If so I would chose between headlines such as “Man over trimmed bushes next to highway“, “Man arrested for having exposed his genitals in front of a bar“ or “Boy filled his room with Lego!“ when I was doing my weekly roundup. (Those are actual headline from Norway in the past week). But I can’t! I have to get my fingers a little sticky and dig into the real gore. I mean, it feels like there is a comet hanging over our heads that’s been turning the whole world crazy the past week, so I’m going to talk about that.
• On Monday both France and the U... [more]
– crossing Norway in a car while worshipping a star
Last week Matias and Adrian, aka the Beirut HQ, decided to slap our lazy asses around and get us to produce more stories for the site. First of all I would like to use this opportunity to thank you M&A, and say that I welcome any initiative to encourage me to become more productive. It’s good for my mental health, and it enables me to share more of my brilliance with the rest of the world (you’re welcome).
In order for this to happen they set up a suggested publication regime where we chose a day a week for our “column”. Meghan O. was first out to claim Mondays, so from now on you can include 2famous.TV in your Monday beauty routines. Matias and Adrian got Tuesday and Wednesdays, while Layal book... [more]
I’m out of here, but I have not resigned!
I can only imagine what the word on the street in Beirut is like now: “Did he resign?”, or “Jorgo just fucked off with no further notice!?! Why!?! But WHY!!?!!”. Those who don’t know me personally would probably say: “I don’t know what it is, but it feels like Beirut is missing an essential part”. Others that got their hands on my travel information might believe that I’m on some sort of a #whistleblowing a’la #snowden mission.
Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, I can confirm that I have left the country indeed. And, yes, it’s true, just like Snowden I’m going to live at the Moscow airport for some time. But that’s not because I’m on some secret mission to save mankind from the ever growing grip of evil governments. Not that that’s not my ultimate plan initially, but I don’t think my 13 hour stopover in Moscow has anything to do with it. To... [more]
– The Norwegian girl got “pardoned” by the Dubai authorities for being raped.
Marthe Dalelv(24) was sentenced to 16 months in jail for “sex outside marriage” when she got raped by her co-worker on a business trip to Dubai. Then she got fired by Janet Jackson’s husband for improper behavior (being raped).
That’s right. The Norwegian girl that got raped on a business trip to Dubai earlier this year finally got away with it, most likely due to international pressure. She was working for a Qatari company owned by billionaire Wissam Al Mana (the husband of Janet Jackson) when she got raped by one of her co-workers. When she reported this to the police the next day she was ridiculed by the officers working there, and was asked if she came to them because she didn’t like being raped. (Which brings me to think that the officers probably like getting raped, which is strange as homosexuality is just as illegal is getting raped. Must be a loophole in the law there…)[more]
– No one seems to know what they are talking about, and it’s ruining my life!
“Hipster” seems to be a new word in the vernacular of Beirut, and the local media seem desperate to jump on the bandwagon. Everyone and everything that looks a tad different is labeled “hipster”. It’s embarrassing. But what’s even more embarrassing is that they have picked me as the “poster boy” of the Beirut hipsters and started slapping that title all over me! Obviously they have no idea what’s going on, and it’s ruining my life!
Girl, you’re doing it wrong!One of my accuser’s is the sparingly gifted Lojine Camel of Beirut.com (one of the more random websites in this city with mediocre quality content displayed in a confusing layout). I’m actually a direct victim of her dyslexia as she accused me of wea... [more]
– Explaining how a demonstration to save a tree could turn into a national revolution
What started as a little demonstration to protect some trees in a park in the capital of Turkey has blown into a full-grown national public resistance against the government. The police brutality continues as hundreds of thousands of people gather in the streets to demand Tayyip Erdogan, Turkey’s Prime Minister, to leave his post. What’s happening is huge, so we decided to give our readers a quick-and-easy background and introduction to the current situation in Turkey.
All eyes are on Turkey. The very heart of one of the greatest cities in the world is being torn and turned upside down, and the riots that started in Istanbul are spreading fast across the country. Is this some kind of an “Arab Spring” in Turkey? Or is it more like the London and Paris riots that pop up every once in a while? The answer is NO! Turkey is very much doing its own thing... [more]
— They used to call me “snow man”
I’m a climate refugee. I come from a country where the people identify with the North Pole. I’m not kidding. As a legit Norwegian, I can namedrop a whole list of fellow brethren that have crossed the pole in numerous ways; I simply know how it is up there. Still, I’m not so much into that shit. It’s just…too cold! That’s why I moved to the Middle East. It’s warmer here. I like that, but it comes with certain difficulties.
OK, first of all: I’m white as a sheet. I’m bald, and my pigmentation seems to cluster up in small dots scattered over my arms. Whenever I leave the house I need to bring a hat and if I don’t cover every square inch of exposed skin with SPF 50+ I will turn pink -> red -> purple (in that order), and people will go, like, “OMG! You’ve got cancer!” which is incredibly annoying.
Well, to tell the truth, even the kids in Norway used to m... [more]
… I cannot save the world alone!
It’s been nearly two weeks since I came back to take care of 2famous.TV’s Beirut office.
I was chilling out in Nepal with Matias, Adrian and Knut and left the website in the hands of our newly recruited Beirut team. They’re a brilliant team of talented writers that turned out to be rather, well, unproductive. So we had a general board meeting and came to the conclusion that one of us had to be sent home to take care of the business. It had to be an authoritative personality with a brilliant mind that would return from the East with wisdom and wit to encourage the god-forsaken newbies of the site to produce more stories. I was the chosen one *blush*, and a steel eagle flew me over vast lands to save the site. But, alas! I have failed! I have spent more time in bed than in the field, so to speak, and have fallen under the spell of the city! A spell that makes you do all sorts of stuff that you really don’t have to do, instead of the things tha... [more]
– I’m super nervous
I left Beirut for a month and came back as a superstar.
Nepal was awesome as fuck, and I got my spiritual healing from my buddies in the Himalayan Mountains. And to be honest, though it might sound superficial and stupid, in reality I had the vague hope of being turned into a God. No one really has the count of how many Gods there are, and I thought there might have been just a tiny little chance for me becoming one. Instead the local gangsters ended up calling me ’Baba’, which I guess is already half way there.
Back in Beirut, with a soul clean as a Kleenex, I realized that the city was shaking off its last bit of spring before it’s going to leap into a party inferno of a summer. So when 961 wanted me to hold the microphone for the Block Party they are having this Saturday I realized that my spiritual healing in the East had paid off. How much karma do you actually need to get invited by the best beer brand in a country to introduce the best bands ... [more]
– OMG! I’m destroying the world
I know that my fans are probably going, like, “WTF! He should be sorry about his long absence from our lives! Not for being the coolest guy of all times!” ~ and I’m sorry if my fan from BuzzFeed gets disappointed by my reaction after he put me as number 9 on his recent survey “The 22 Types Of Hipster You Encounter In London“.
Well, dear fans, don’t get me wrong! I am truly sorry for coming back from my hibernation being all sorry and all, and I know it must sound retarded, but I’m seriously sorry for having destroyed the lives of thousands and thousands of frustrated parents as they hopelessly watch their long lost children walk the streets like attention seeking freaks doing all sorts of alternative shit for the sake of alternativity.
When I started the trend I had no idea that I was going to be this influential, and I mig... [more]
The sharpest of you that’s been with 2famous.TV from the beginning would have noticed the phases that we’ve been through; From being an out-in-the-woods adventure site to a 100% self centered look-at-me-becoming-famous kind of video blog… to the cultural magazine we are today.
And apparently, from being complete internet retards, we must have done at least something right. Nope, we haven’t made a single dollar yet, and I’m not sure if we’re the international superstars we promised you that we would be a year ago, but still… we managed to turn a blog about ourselves to become a web magazine with six dedicated writers!
Anyways, about a year ago we wrote a post for an Indian blog called famousbloggers.net. It’s among the one thousand most visited websites in the world, and we thought that writing an honest article about our very own website co... [more]
– A tale from the mountains of Syria
“Holy Moly!” you may think. “Is 2famous.TV turning into some sort of a missionary project where their secret agenda of promoting Jesus Christ as the sole savior of the humankind really shining through!?!”
For those of you who got slightly excited about this: I can tell you right away that you’re on the wrong blog! (Though I do appreciate that you’ve been with us through un-Christian phases of pant pooping, pubic hair burning, butthole jokes, and our general genital obsession.)
But, really, what would Jesus have said about what’s going on in Syria today? We know he’d be kicking back with his mates on the streets of the Middle East (much like 2famousTV crew today) and chatting up girls in Aramaic, an ancient language that has almost ceased to exist. Only three small villages in the mountains of Syria managed to keep this linguistic tradition alive. Since we could... [more]
Now that the holiday season is coming up a lot of people will be crossing vast distances to spend some quality time with their beloved families. Here are some of the pros and cons about the modern transportation of choice:
Pro You can get to your destination really really fast. Actually, the average cruise speed of a commercial airplane is five times faster than your own freefall speed if you for some reason end up on the outside of the plane.
If you get on a plane you might get a finger up your ass, but it might also be worth it.
Con Even if it only happens rarely, and I don’t know anyone that has admitted to have been a victim of such a crime, but when you enter an airplane you always run a small risk of being welcomed at your final destination by some random dude putting his finger up your ass. It’s a dirty job hated by the majority of the airport crew. That’s why it’s always... [more]
For those of you, dear readers, who thought that 2famous.TV was all about beauty and no brains, like Paris Hilton, you were wrong-ish my friends.
That’s why I’ve taken the burden upon my shoulders to educate you a tad on the Lebanese agricultural history – and the way this is related to the U.S. of A.
A whole fuck tons of time ago, when the Phoenicians were ruling the Mediterranean from Lebanon, the Bekaa Valley was called “The Whole World’s Food Chamber”, a nickname that changed to “The Sun Valley” when the Romans took over a few centuries before that imaginary point in history that marks the beginning of our calendar – year zero.
The Phoenicians are famous for having been the first people to produce wine for export, and a substantial part of the wheat production for the eastern region of the Roman Empire came from this glorious valley. So did the drugs: the Bacchus temple that was bui... [more]
It’s been a year and a half since the first time I put my feet on the ancient ground of Egypt. I had come to check out the post-revolutionary feel. It was great, and there were street parties everywhere! People were singing and dancing, and creative art festivals were popping up like pimples on a white trash teenage face.
At that time people were celebrating victory over an unjust regime that had suppressed the people for as long as they could remember. A group of internet activists had managed to pull the people together with the use of FaceBook, Twitter and blogs to mobilize against the rulers, and it worked. They got rid of the big fish, but the army never gave the people a break, and the police violence that triggered the revolution in the first place never ended.
The Muslim Brotherhood, the mother of modern Islamism, won the election with the neat slogan “Vote for us and go to heaven. Vote for the others and burn in hell”. Morsi, the leader of t... [more]
Most of you would have probably noticed that I have vanished from the surface of Beirut, and the rumors are probably already flourishing. Many have been asking “Did he leave in embarrassment for the deadly honest radio interview where he revealed his heart and talked about his not-so-successful love stories in Lebanon?” Others might have picked up classified information about me going to Cairo on a date with an Egyptian beauty that I met last time I was around this city. Well, I have already said enough! Khalas! No more juicy details from my love life!
But I can confirm that I indeed am in Cairo! It’s a great city if you like to chill out in insanely noisy chaos. It’s also a city that gives me the glimpse of how it would have been like to be a super hot chick as I cannot wa... [more]
You all probably think that all I listen to is minimal electronic music that would go well with my unrhythmical Scandinavian genes. OK, I agree, I am no master of the dance floor. True. But I’ve been quite into Turkish culture for a long time, and I have discovered some pearls in their vivid music history that I’d like to share with you!
Recently I also came a cross an English record label called Sofrito. It’s a collective of DJ’s, producers and artists that combine Tropical rhythms with modern club culture, and produce some sick ass tracks that I would recommend to everyone interested in some good funky music.
Let’s start off with “African Disco Power” a masterpiece of Tropical Discotheque music. It should put you in the mood for moving yo... [more]
You girls! We’ve seen you going to the toilets together. You’re at a party, or a bar, and you take a timeout with a friend to take a piss and discuss who you are going to fuck that night. Yeah, you’re crazy like that, but that’s how you’re being put together, and it’s delightfully exotic for us men!
A couple a years ago I was at a bar in Beirut with a girl that I fancied, and as I tried to smooth talk her, a douche of a dude went for a piss, and my date went “Yalla, go to the toilet and check out his cock for me! Please! Please! Please!”. I was quite bummed out of course, as what I wanted the most was for her to check out my meat popsicle.
Dudes don’t go to the toilet together like women. We go alone, but we whip our meat sausage out in front of strangers in a line of urinals. And if you didn’t know (i.e. you’re a woman) there is a simple code of rules... [more]
When I move to a new place I try to find an apartment close to where the shit goes down, but cheap enough to be able to host a starvin’ artist like myself. These neighborhoods are often a bit trashed out. But guess what? When I move there BOOM! the place turns into the new shit (Shize Nouveau) within a few months, and everybody wants a piece of my street. The next thing that happens is that my landlord, who should be grateful for my putting his neighborhood on the world map, wants to increase the rent! I move out, the crowd comes with me, and then we start a new hood. It’s like a circle or something.
Technically speaking I turned East London into what East London is today the same way I have made Mar Mikhael of Beirut to the new super hip super center. I don’t mean to contribute to this gentrification, but it seems like I’m a gentrifier by default. Ain’t my faul... [more]
For the past three years that I’ve been living in Beirut “small” incidents have randomly happened on the borders of this country. During my first week there were some rockets exchanged between a village in the south and the Israeli army. I was completely fresh and didn’t know if I was supposed to freak out or not, but my local friends assured me that this was somehow “normal” and life went on as usual.
Lately there has been fighting in the North, something that hasn’t really affected my life all that much, and I’ve been sending comforting messages to my family trying to explain that I am in no danger by any means.
The closest I have ever been to something really horrible was in Oslo last summer when a car bomb aimed at one of the government buildings killed eight people. I had passed the site of the bomb only 20 minutes before it blew up, and was chilling out on my bed when the bottles that used to hold the curtains down... [more]
Not that I’m an expert when it comes to blogging, but 2famous.TV is a relatively successful blog, and after we made the “101 Most Popular Blogs In Lebanon With Reviews – The Ultimate List” some people have contacted us for some “expert tips”.
This is obviously super flattering, so here I share some thoughts on our experience as bloggers, and what you need to do to get higher ranking on your blog so that you can get more visitors.
Blog Mother Fuckers! Blog!!
First I would like to encourage as many people as possible to blog. Especially those who live in countries where the freedom of press is restricted, and the freedom of speech under pressure. You don’t have to blog about saving the world, politics, or activism to make an impact. And you don’t have to be a hipster by any means. The more we blog the more we get used to reading other people’s unfiltered opinion... [more]
Take me to Down Town, I said to one of the cabdrivers hawking for tourists to rip off outside of the airport. I looked into his eyes in a way that left no doubt about my sincerity as I flicked my cigarette into the warm air of a September afternoon. It bounced a couple of times on the tarmac before it hit a pool of blood, or water, or whatever the fuck it was that put it out. Take me to Down Town, I repeated as I took off my sunglasses, regretting that I didn’t have a pair of those black leather gloves with no fingers. I was ready to conquer Beirut.“I knew nothing when I arrived to Beirut, but I’d read all these books and I thought I knew a whole great deal. I’d often risen as an expert in heated conversations back home, explaining fragments of the complicated political picture of the Middle East.”
I knew nothing when I arrived here though, but I’d read all these books and I thought I kn... [more]
I remember the first porn I saw. It was a magazine we found in the forest on a school trip. Not much later a few of those magazines would be in heavy circulation among the boys.
That was before we got our hands on some copies of some copies of some copies of a few worn out VHS cassettes of hairy German porn from the seventies that someone had stolen from someones else’s dad. Then came the folder of 700 images that got copied from computer to computer on floppy discs around the world.
Internet changed all that though. Suddenly we all had a distorted telescope into a billion zillion bedrooms. Looking at vaginas became normal.
It was a perfect match, porn and the internet, that seemed to catalyze the process of technological development. There is more porn than anything else out there, and I am sure a great deal of people get internet at home mostly to look at porn. Then the resolution of the videos increased and they had to upgrade their computers and so ... [more]