Having a baby is rough, like rougher than that one time in college you got so drunk you passed out in a hallway at a stranger’s house and woke up with dried barf on yourself rough. Imagine that. Imagine squeezing a watermelon out of a lemon-sized opening, then let’s talk.
I’m not one for frivolity when I need to Get.Shit.Done. and makeup usually doesn’t make the cut for heavy duty activities, but I’ve got some reasoning behind my bringing makeup into the maternity ward. (Not that I plan on being a glamour puss the moment she pops out of my womb).
Pictures, people! Yes, indeed. The first photographs of mother and babe happen right there at the hospital. Family and visitors want to come and coo over your new bundle and congratulate you while blasting your face area with everlasting evidence of the auspicious occasion. And let’s just say I don’t do hi-def unless I’ve got some warpaint ready. Call me vain, but I just want to... more
How fast does time fly when I’m reading a stinking urine-soaked plastic device that tells me I’ve got one in the oven to 7 weeks till blast off?? I don’t know and it’s scary as fuck and confusing as fuck and people are freaking me out because they keep asking who’s coming to help us when she’s born. Resounding answer: NO ONE REALLY.
I can’t be worrying about that, I need to get back to losing sleep over whether the pink curtains I’m putting in her room are going to infect her tiny mound of mush brain with some archaic, color-coded sexist philosophy my gender has worked so hard to overcome. And moisturizing my nipples adequately.
But I digress…
1) I leak pee on myself. Like on the reg. Please give a nobel prize to person who invented panty liners…
2) M... more
I’m SO happy to report that almost all of the misery of the first trimester has finally fallen behind me. My energy is back and with no nausea, I’m feeling myself again….just pregnant-er.
It’s a girl! She’s really teeny and moves a lot and likes to kick me which I hope is not a sign that she’s going to be a huge asshole baby- I can say that, it’s my kid. Though she’s really small now- she’s only going to get bigger, which means a bigger belly. Which means lots ‘o’ stretching! If you find yourself with a bun in the oven now or in the future, here are some top tips to help your skin not give you the fat middle finger:
This is probably the best thing you can put on your skin during pregnancy, it’s emollient nature make for high potency penetration into the skin while protecting i... more
Being pregnant is fucking hard for a lot women. Whether it’s the physical changes your body endures daily or the mental and emotional hurdles that will blindside you at the drop of a hat, this is a crucial time when life can seem surreal at best. Here’s a quick list of my physical and mental symptoms I’ve experienced so far:-nausea accompanied by vomiting and heightened gag reflex -heightened sense of smell making everything smell like a dead donkey butthole -dizziness and faintness when moving or standing at a normal pace -fatigue that induces at least 2 death naps per day -itchy, dry raisin skin -shortness of breath when doing the most basic of tasks (i.e. walking normally) -memory loss -congestion during sleep coupled with daily morning nasal draining which causes more nausea (snot on an empty stomach= YUM) -constipation (what I wouldn’t do to take a shit right now, it’s been three days so far) -constant feeling of dehydration despite chugging ... more
As evident by the title, there is human life stirring within my bowels. Imagine that. Now try and sleep.
In all seriousness (sort of), I’m officially 14 weeks and two days pregnant and just into my second trimester. Pregnancy is split into trimesters, with a full-term pregnancy at 40 weeks. The first trimester is often the most difficult, not to mention the most uncertain time of pregnancy….and how it has been difficult!
Dear readers, I have essentially been horizontal for two months because being pregnant isn’t all about glowing and eating and being happy. No. Not for everyone. For the unlucky bastards such as myself, every day is a living hell filled with vomiting, constipation, nasal congestion, cramping, fatigue, weakness, dizziness, headaches, constant need to sleep, among other fun facts that I’m too polite to mention here just yet.
While I am FINALLY starting to feel better and get some relief, it’s been a long road. I&rsqu... more
First up is from Emma Pickles- one of the best people on YouTube for making easy-to-follow dramatic costume makeup tutorials. This Pop Art/Comic Book look is by far my favorite:
Next up is an adorable costume idea from Hannah at Xovain.com that also brings me back to childhood so much- a Betty Boop tutorial that is also super easy!
The beauty of this tutorial is that you can probably use the makeup you already have, so there’s no need to go out about buy a bunch of makeup you would only use the once for Halloween.
Lastly, what would a Halloween be without the classic “sexy vampire” look. While I don’t find this as fun as some of the other looks... more
Laaaaadies! In the all important realm of being a female and femaleness, finally comes the handbook on all things amazing and essential and femme power related. “The Book of Jezebel: An Illustrated Encyclopedia of Lady Things,” is now available for pre-order for it’s October 22nd release on Amazon! I know that all the ladies at 2famous.TV (hello Layal & Adrian *kisses*) are big fans of Jezebel.com and it’s untouchable cult-status in the world of woman. So how many of you jezebels will be... more
In the words of Webmd.com, “Hyaluronic acid is a substance that is naturally present in the human body. It is found in the highest concentrations in fluids in the eyes and joints. The hyaluronic acid that is used as medicine is extracted from rooster combs or made by bacteria in the laboratory. People take hyaluronic acid for various joint disorders, including osteoarthritis. It can be taken by mouth or injected into the affected joint by a healthcare professional. The FDA has approved the use of hyaluronic acid during certain eye surgeries including cataract removal, corneal transplantation, and repair of a detached retina and other eye injuries. It is injected into the eye during the procedure to help replace natural fluids. Hyaluronic acid is also used as a lip filler in plastic surgery. Some people apply hyaluronic acid to the skin for healing wounds, burns, skin ulcers, and as a moisturizer.&rdquo... more
I’ve been frying and dying my hair since I was a wee lass of only 13 years, along with countless haircuts. The last few years I’ve played it relatively safe. Only a trim when the ends are split, a touch up to roots, and that’s about it. My hair is now 56 centimeters long and it’s a mutha-fuckin-pain-in-the-ass to take care of.
I can’t even find relief when I sleep unless I braid it or put it in a bun, as the locks twist around my neck and face- seemingly smothering their owner in her sleep…
And what’s the point of having such long hair if you are just going to wear it up all the time anyway? Shouldn’t you just switch to a more manageable ‘do? I can’t decide, so I’ve come to ask you for help!
I was thinking something like this:
With This Spray!
Yes, this is a thing. It is very real, I assure you. Meet Poo-Pourri. Coming in at over 20 scents for men, women, children, pets, shoes and festive holiday versions and over 4 million bottles of the stuff sold, Poo-Pourri has been making headlines across the internet for weeks now. With all the gab the ladies were doing about this product and the amazing poop jokes the company uses over and over again, I had to get my hands on some of this magic mist!
I ordered the “new to poo” starter kit that included one 2 oz. original bottle for the home and a 5ml tester for on the go dumps- but when the package arrived- I didn’t have to go! So I thought to myself, who’s the next stinkiest ass in my house? Definitely my male companion! So I made him cook up a hardy butt nugget and try out the spray for me.
–And it worked! OMFG I couldn’t believe it! I didn’t smell anything except a fruity sce... more
New York Fashion Week has come and gone once again and one thing is for sure, I’m fucking happy about it! Seriously, if you guys only knew the cray cray amounts of bloggers pinning and tweeting and facebooking and google +ing, and so forth, about fashion week you would definitely want to gouge your eyeballs out with hot needles and wear a potato sack and crocs for the rest of your life.
They should make a parody movie called “The Grinch Who Stole NYFW,” except with no conflict resolution at the end– the grinch wins and doesn’t have an enlarged heart. It’s an overdose, an assault to the senses; even for fashion fiends. Even the much beloved September issue of Vogue is taking on laughable proportions as demonstrated by the cashier I had when buying it.
“Do you want a bag for this? Or maybe you could just carry it as a weapon… LOL.” No, no lol. They charge you an extra dollar once a year for a “magazine&r... more
Once the golden child of global politics, President Obama has seemingly fallen from grace for his “I reserve the right and responsibility to act” statement he made recently regarding the vote put to congress to allow the U.S. military to strike Syria. Many Americans have called for their representatives to block the president’s pro-war agenda and have condemned the administration for what is thought of as ulterior motives in a move against Syria’s Bashar Al-Assad and his alleged use of chemical weapons against his own people.
Even in small towns like New Haven, Connecticut, home to the prestigious Yale University, peaceful demonstrators have taken to the streets to protest the President’s pushes for Syrian intervention. With my savvy tech skills (yeah right!), I managed to get a few interviews on my iPhone from a few of the demonstrators at Sunday evening’s gathering.
We asked Imad J., a local resident and Syrian-American, h... more
To get away from trashy brass, make it rain purple baby! Put simply: this is the guide to take you from tacky porno blonde to naturally Swedish. Häftigt!! So let’s get down to the brass tacks. (I’m going to fucking torture you with terrible brass puns.)
Now I know that this glamourous pose that RiRi is striking right now is going to make you say “I want brass hair!” but NO. You shut your dirty, shitty mouth right now. You are not RiRi, for she is queen of all that is fabulously scandalous– including making bad dye jobs look good. If you are ANY skin shade lighter than this and don’t glow bronze you are going to look washed out and ashy. If you’re as pale as me you can count on looking as bad as a cracked out Lindsay Lohan.
Maybe you’re saying... more
OMFG where do I even start? Probably with the title, that makes sense, but who cares about logic?
To begin with, I said ma’a salama to the U.A.E. this past June and am settled in Connecticut. In case you don’t know what/where that is, it’s a tiny state in the U.S. right next to New York where lots of rich people live and wear fugly, puffy mountain climbing clothes in the winter because it’s colder than a witch’s titty. But you know, you can’t win ’em all.
Like our beloved Jorgo, while I’ve left the Middle East, this is not a goodbye. It’s hello from a new IP address! So enough about me and let’s get on with the show.
The divinity that is fashion designer Marc Jacobs has recently launched a 122-piece ... more
How to get your own INSANE BABE HAIR!
Oh.My.Gawd. I can’t even tell you how much I loathe the line “…this product changed my life!” I mean, how much can something you buy at the store outside of food to keep you alive change your life? But I have a confession, the following products DID change my life. At least… my hair life. Major Tom to Ground Control: my hair is fucking fabulous.
I don’t care which catwalk is sporting sleeked out ballerina buns or 90’s wet looks. This Summer, you need to be focusing on two words and two words only: TEXTURE + VOLUME. Men & women rejoice because LUSH has you covered! (In case you don’t already have naturally insanely hot babe hair like our own beauty, Adrian.)
Just as in makeup, if you start with a shitty base, everything else is going to look equally terrible. So, let’s begin with shampoo- the first step to insane babe hair.
I know, I know. This may seem like crazy town to anyone who wears le maquillage on a regular basis, but I’m tellin’ ya– it’s kind of unexpectedly awesome.
Also, I’ve heard from MANY reliable sources as well as firsthand experience from living in Paris briefly myself, that this is a staple look for French girls! And who doesn’t want to look more French because, honestly, they’re classy as fuck.
So, take out your boldest, baddest, bitchin-est tube of lip color and slap that smooth baby over those luscious mouth pillows and give the big fat middle finger to your concealer!
I’m wearing my YSL Le Fuchsia which is basically the shit but if you’re on a budget try this great drugstore alternative: Revlon Just Bitten Kissing Balm Stain in L... more
Are Sexy Period Panties worth it?
Uuuuuummmmmm, the last time I checked ragging wasn’t sexy. Like ever. Nope. Just…no. As a woman who regularly periods, I can safely assure all of you that nothing about menstruating looks, feels, smells, or assumably tastes sexy. This brings me to my main point, why would anyone in their right mind ever ever ever associate having a stinky, bleeding crotch with sexiness- which is just what Dear Kate did.
Dear Kate is a company that sells expensive underwear specifically designed to make you feel sexy while on your period. In fact, Dear Kate was originally called “Sexy Period.”
Apart from its ridiculous name, no mention of their heinous prices, and dumb puns, this advertisement tells us next to nothing about these “sexy panties” other than they’re sexy and you can wear anything you want because they don’t leak. Also, can I just say I’ve never seen a person past the ag... more
See what I did there. Put two words together and BAM!– I’ve made a new word. Glamorspiration: glamorous inspiration.
I’m feeling yucky like a turd, guys. Recently I had a nasty allergic reaction to a mysterious agent that managed to grace my face this past week. Not hot and definitely NOT chic. Sadly, instead of my mod makeup tutorial I had planned I’ve had to look for beautiful things for you to stare at in it’s place. So what do you do when your eye bags look like fucking hamburger meat?? You find your dose of chicness elsewhere and I’m coming to you this week with a few of my tried and true sources for glamorspiration.
Starting off with a nice little ditty, this number is called “Das Me” by the enigmatic Brooke Candy. The song as well as the video are pretty much the best thing ever. (NSFW)
Bitch be FIERCE! The hair, the costumes, the dick wiggling– it’s an all inclusive package. Now that y... more
I have a rogue tooth. That bitch has been the bane of my existence for the last 8 years and I’ve recently come to the conclusion I must either accept it and rock it or fix it.
<- This is painful. Putting myself out there on a limb like that for all you #dark internet commenters to rip me a new one… Frankly, I had better close-ups than this photo which really doesn't do it justice, but I just looked like a soulless sex doll in them so that's all you get, sorry.
I've had snaggletooth since I was little. First with my crooked Bugs Bunny teeth that were corrected with FOUR YEARS of braces and a year of wearing a retainer. Then, guess what? I stopped wearing it because I thought I was "too cool"– well that and I was one lazy bitch. Then, a gap which had never been present before appeared betwe... more
You guys, I love me some Jeff Bridges. Jeff + Meghan O. 4eva! My mom will call me or text me internationally just to let me know if Jeff Bridges is on t.v. so I won’t miss a second of the awe-inducing piece of delicious man that is Jeff Bridges.
I don’t really remember when my infatuation initially blossomed for Jeff. (Yes, we’re on a first name basis.) Perhaps it goes back to the first time I watched “The Big Lebowski,” circa 2003. Perhaps it was residual, sub-consciously stored memories of “The Fabulous Baker Boys” that I honestly couldn’t tell you how long ago I watched.
Get to know your favorite 2Famousers with an insider scoop to the fabulously fashionable 2Famous crew!
Mr. Matias, tell us a little bit about your favorite outfit of all time and why it has come to be your go-to getup.
“My favorite outfit is definitely my turquoise party suit that I designed myself and handmade from Nepali curtain fabrics. I have used this suit bungee jumping in the Himalayas as well as partying in Hollywood. It is VERY comfortable, as well as a lot of people get really happy when they see me in it.”
What do you most like to see the opposite sex wearing, apart from the ever obvious birthday suit?
“I always like it when the opposite sex looks good, and during my years in show biz I have reali... more
The World Health Organization tells us that an estimated 121 million people throughout the globe suffer from depression. That’s a lot of Also, I’ll just take this opportunity to say how much it irks me when people who live elsewhere tell me they’re “seasonally depressed” because it’s winter and cold and dark. Shut the front door and talk to me when you live in 40 degree (105 farenheit) weather. You’ll be loving those chilly days a lot more!Anyway, back to the topic at hand. People get sad, it’s a part of life. Whether you suffer from chronic depression, seasonal depression, blue days, or you’re just PMS’ing- we all have “those days.” And I say nay! Nay to days of pity parties and being a hot mess! The time has come to go head to head with the Mean Reds and get your shit together with a little something I like to call lipsti... more
You can’t sit here and try to tell me that some fat old guy wearing a heinous red velvet suit and hat is hip to the fact that I want a See by Chloé bag or that new Naked palette from Urban Decay.
So, on that note, I’ve decided to create a new, after-Christmas holiday in which you indulge in your Christmas miracle gifts you got shafted on this past December.
1) Grace, A Memoir by Grace Coddington.
Yes I know reading is way fucking nerdy, but anyone who’s anyone is reading this book or already has read it (read it twice!!). Also, don’t even dare ask me who Grace Coddington is, save yourself the public embarrassment and watch The September Issue or Google it. Seriously.
That’s right, only suckers buy their signature scents at department stores– while the cool kids are over at the black market, violating the law in the name of smelling sexy.
I tend to hoard expensive perfumes as visitors to my crapper might gasp at the awe-inducing state of the collection of fancy scented waters. Did I mention I’m not rich? So how does one who is not Oprah rich afford these crazy ass perfumes you ask?? Well, I will tell you now, kiddies, my dirtiest of all dirty secrets.
At $68 (~AED 250) an ounce (that’s friggin’ TEENY), I scored a 3-ounce of BVLGARI’s Jasmin Noir Parfum for only AED 150!! I know, I know, that’s crazy talk. Now put on your leather and get your bro... more
Talking pubes is a hairy business, pun sort of intended. Its about time a lady spoke up on some issues that dictate her lady bits on a day to day basis– like her vagina and a woman’s right to pubes.
I get that PETA is trying to be all “save the animals” and what not, but they could do with being slightly less douchey about it. Seriously, stop being a douche, PETA.
In the majority of societies today throughout the world, its deemed unattractive, unkempt, and even unhygienic for a woman to not take some sort of measurements to protect her vaj from the dreaded pubic hair. There’s the classic razor, electric razor, scissors, depilator, hot and cold wax, and most recently laser removal where for a large sum of money you can pay a person to point a laser at your vagina and zap the living shit out of those pube... more
As much as I love luxurious beauty products, its hard to top a 16 oz.-sized cleanser with magical powers available at almost any store you walk into for only $10. I’m talking Cetaphil, yo! Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser, to be exact.
Embarrassingly enough, I’ve only really gotten serious about skin care during the past year. I was one of the lucky ones to maintain a perfect complexion all through puberty and early twenties, managing to slip by with only a little water on the face now and then and some makeup remover. Now as I head into my mid-twenties, my skin has gone postal on my ass and my little bit ‘o’ water ain’t cutting it no more! Also, sunscreen. Apparently, more
For those of you living under a fucking rock, that title is a jeu de mots for the Chan Romero song “Hippy Hippy Shake.” (The one The Beatles & The Swinging Blue Jeans did a cover of.) Now on with the post!
Honestly, despite the video’s nearly 20-minute length, its definitely worth an attentive watch. I’ve tried out several companies that tout “natural” and “organic” and “cruelty-free” to only have their dirty laundry aired out for a public tongue-lashing, but I have yet to find one thing that has spa... more
I know you beach bums love to get your tan on, but if you don’t wise up and start slathering on the sunscreen you’re going to look like Magda from “There’s Something About Mary” complete with wrinkly leather tits.
You can still get your bits golden and god-like even with the application of sunscreen, though it may take a little longer. And don’t whine about that, there are worse things you’ll be bitching about if you don’t. You know, like cancer. Yeah, CANCER. The evil “c” word that will bite you on your sun-browned ass if you aren’t careful. Also, wrinkles. Getting older sucks a fat one, but looking like you’re 50 when you’re really only 25 (hello 20-somethings with crows feet!) most definitely sucks more.
Enter exhibit A:
You guys, everyone poops their pants. Babies do it, olds do it, and guess what y’all, young folk shit themselves, too. Sometimes life just gets all “there was a pile-up on route poop-shoot and you had to dump the kids before you made it to the pool.” Its kind of embarrassing and yet kind of just something that happens to the best of us.
After I read this article over at xojane.com when a brave young editor spoke up about her full pants predicament, I got to thinking about how to remedy this shitty situation. So what do you do when you crap your best granny panties? You buy some new ones, of course!